I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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