goodnight i made you a song goodbye
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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