I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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