i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
did you just send me my own nude
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
