THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
