You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My ass is underappreciated
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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