her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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