so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
