I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
