his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
