haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
