if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
