I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
