I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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