Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
