he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
