Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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