Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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