Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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