my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
