take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
