You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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