Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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