Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
