i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am one with the molecules
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
