You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
