You work out of a Hotel?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
