dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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