some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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