Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
