Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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