I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
