At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You may now shotgun with the bride
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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