i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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