her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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