the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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