So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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