I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
whose parrot is this?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
