the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
