Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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