I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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