mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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