Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
