I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
