And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
