Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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