I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
