Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
