So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Terrible idea I love it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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