Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
