I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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