Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
