all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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