Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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