Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
