i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
