Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
