this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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